I was forgetting. Going back to old habits. But I’m in control again. :]
I need to pay mortgage. I need to pay Best Buy. I need to drop my laptop off.
I can’t make things happen with Z so forget about it. I can only go out and enjoy myself don’t even worry about it. The magic is gone anyway, thank the lord. It was the worst voodoo of my life.
I need to acknowledge the role she played in my life, though. She showed me what it’s like to be with someone lively and girly and flirty and fun. It’s tough. A lot of attention is required. Attention I cannot spare. At least not right now. I still want to be with girls like that tho. I feel like there is a sort of status that comes from that. Actually, I know there is.
I need to stop being so fucking self conscious about performance. That’s Type A garbage right there. I’m already comfortable with who I am. And I need to learn to guide my girl to give me what I want, by knowing where she is and leading here there. Powerful stuff right there. Best line “The true skill set is being able to keep your own desire and intent strong, while at the same time recognizing, listening to, and gathering information about the women you wish to attract.”
Also, she gave me a drive I haven’t had ever. This project basically started so I can prove something to myself, because of her. She was that invaluable spark.