Stagnantly Dwelling

Okay, So I ran a small experiment on my emotional limits. Or at least that’s what I would tell myself and in part it was true. I wanted to gauge how hurt i would be by falling for someone I knew I couldn’t end up with. Or end up with right now. The lines of the experiment began to blur pretty quickly and I saw the flaws in my character when it deals with women or feeling deeply about something and failing. Recovering from this experiment has been torture, but has been an interesting learning experience. I know I like to dwell, and that I’ll use this as an excuse to prevent myself from trying new things. This is not the way i want to be. I need to let go of fear, regret, doubt, guilt. My pessimism should only come as a result of the posibility of failure and planning ahead. But I should always take a step forward and adjust quickly and often. Homeostasis for a growth trend. That’s what I want my life to be.

I’m the boss, I gotta remember that. I need to take action. Things are changing already. I’m finally recovering the way I want to be recovering and this is the first step towards doing what I want to be doing. I want to inform myself on better strategies to work and focus. I want to broaden my view of the world. I want to be wise and decisive in leading those around me in the endeavors I’m working for. I don’t want anything holding me back (except for the unbreakable rules in the system we live in) meaning I want to be able to manage any obstacle in my way. I’m 25. This is when this is supposed to happen.

Anyway, just wanted to remind myself of who I am and who I want to be. 🙂

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